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Joshua Center
on Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
How can I get out of sexual abuse?

Challenges to Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship

The biggest hurdle to getting out of a relationship where sexual abuse is happening is deciding to get out. This is hard for many reasons.

The biggest hurdle to getting out of a relationship where sexual abuse is happening is deciding to get out.

Challenges to getting out of a relationship where abuse is happening include: 

  • Fear of what the perpetrator said would happen if you told
  • Fear of what others will think when they find out
  • Concern for the perpetrator, who you may have complicated feelings toward
  • Worry about what will happen to you when you disclose (tell)
  • Worry about dealing with adults and those in authority
  • Fear of not being believed
  • Worry that your family will be upset and/or disrupted by the investigation

It is important to remember:

  • The youth is never responsible for the sexual abuse, the perpetrator is.
  • Typically the sexual abuse is a violation of the law, so it is true that law enforcement or child protective services will be involved. 
  • Many perpetrators have abused other youth, are currently abusing other youth, or will abuse other youth in the future. 
  • Abuse by a family member should be reported to Child Protective Services.
  • Abuse by a non-family member or a person in authority like a teacher, faith leader, or coach should be reported to law enforcement.

For more information about talking to someone about experiencing sexual abuse, see the videos Tell the whole story and What happens when you tell at Stop the Secrets That Hurt.

Reporting Abuse

  • Call your local child protective services for help in knowing whether they can take the report or whether you should call law enforcement.
  • If you are in an emergency, do not hesitate to call 911 and explain the urgent sexual abuse situation to the operator. For example, you are about to be with the perpetrator and are afraid of what they will do, or you told them you are going to disclose what they have been doing and you don’t know how they will react.

What happens if I report abuse?

  • When you report being sexually abused, whether to child protective services or law enforcement, there is an investigation. The purpose of this investigation is to protect the youth and other youth who have been, or may in the future be, abused by the same perpetrator
  • The investigation involves interviews with the youth who has been abused, the alleged perpetrator, and sometimes other family members or friends. 
  • Sometimes there is a criminal trial of the alleged perpetrator and sometimes there is a resolution of the matter without a trial
  • Today law enforcement and child protection professionals are usually more sensitive to youth, appreciate how stressful the disclosure and investigation processes can be, and are supportive of youth
  • Remember even if it is hard to believe, most perpetrators have abused, are abusing, or will in the future abuse other young people, so reporting is protecting yourself and others.

Seeking help

There are several confidential resource hotlines you can contact if you have been or are being abused, including telephone hotlines, email hotlines, and online chats.

There are several confidential resource hotlines you can contact if you have been or are being abused.

These include:

Prevention + Safety + Empowerment + Research