Skip to main content
Joshua Center
on Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
What do I need to know about sexual abuse?

What is Sexual Abuse?

Sexual abuse is the forced, tricked, or manipulated sexual contact between two persons. This contact can be physical, involving body-on-body touch, but does not have to be.

Abuse that involves physical contact may include:

  • rubbing or fondling parts of the body, especially private parts 
  • any kind of intercourse in which an object or body part is forced into a body cavity of another person
  • forced kissing

Non-physical contact abuse can include such acts as: making sexual comments about another person or their body, showing someone pornography, taking or sharing nude or partially nude images of another person, persistent and non-consensual flirting, pressuring someone to date or have sex, or entering a room unannounced when a person is bathing or changing clothes.

Sexual abuse can also include sexual contact of any kind between youth and persons who are:

  • in an authority role over the youth
  • significantly older or younger than the youth
  • related to the youth

Examples include teachers, coaches, faith leaders, youth program staff (scout leaders, trip counselors, chaperones, etc.), family members (biological, adoptive, or foster), other youths, and other adults. Regardless of the specific situation, sexual behavior between youth and adults is always considered abuse. Sexual behavior between youth that involves force, coercion, or manipulation is also abusive. 

Experiences of sexual abuse, and the way sexual abuse develops, varies dramatically. Some situations involve a sudden and violent assault, which is legally known as rape. A lot of sexual abuse however is the result of slow, deliberate grooming efforts. The degree of manipulation, coercion, or force used can also vary.

Consent

The age of consent is a legal term that describes the age at which someone can give informed consent to being sexual with another person. The specific age varies from state to state but is generally between 16 and 18. As an exception, there can be consensual sexual behavior between youths who are under this age so long as:

  • the sexual contact is between peers of a relative same age (sexual contact between youth with an age difference of three or more years is often considered abuse;1 and
  • there is no force, coercion, manipulation, or the use of a difference in power (such as a position of authority) or resources (such as money or gifts)  between the parties; and 
  • each person has given informed specific and verbal consent to the behavior 

Affirmative or informed consent means that the person giving consent knows what they are consenting to, agrees to the sexual act voluntarily, and has the power to say “no” at any time. However, informed consent between youth and adults is never possible. 

Informed consent between youth and adults is never possible. 

Recognizing that consent is necessary, practicing consent in sexual behavior, and generally respecting others’ boundaries and control over their own bodies establishes a culture of consent in social interactions. Consent culture can help keep people safe from abuse as well as reduce instances in which people are blamed or shamed for experiencing abuse (this is the opposite of rape culture). To be clear, someone who has been abused is never responsible for their own abuse -- the perpetrator is.

Someone who has been abused is never responsible for their own abuse.

Consent however can be a tricky concept. Many perpetrators of sexual abuse are experts at making youth think they have consented to sexual contact, often by increasing touch and sexual behavior gradually over time. This tactic is known as grooming. 

For more information on consent, see:

  • Youth Discussion on Consent
  • What is Consent? (webpage) - Provides information on what consent is and isn’t as well as ways to identify if your partner doesn’t respect consent
  • What Consent Looks Like (webpage) - Defines and operationalizes consent

Grooming

Grooming is an abusive process that perpetrators use to slowly create a relationship with youth, isolate youth from others who could potentially protect them from abuse, and eventually sexualize the relationship. Youth who are being groomed may not understand what is going on until the sexual abuse occurs. 

In grooming, perpetrators create a relationship that feels real to the youth. The person makes you feel like they care, is interested in you, and finds ways to make you feel appreciated and valued either by saying nice things, giving you gifts, letting you have experiences that your parents cannot give you or will not allow you to have, or otherwise trying to befriend you to gain sexual access to you.

Any touching is introduced gradually, and often starts with a casual hug before progressing toward increasingly sexual behavior. A youth who does not say “no” to the first grooming efforts often ends up feeling that they have given consent to the sexual abuse, which is not true. This is the point of grooming. Perpetrators use grooming to make youth feel the relationship is mutual so that the youth does not see it as abuse, even though it is, or make the youth feel that the abuse is their fault, even though it isn’t.

Perpetrators use grooming to make youth feel the relationship is mutual.

Perpetrators

A perpetrator is a hard person to define. Literally any person in a youth’s life can be someone who will sexually abuse them. It is important to know that most people who abuse youth are not strangers, as is sometimes believed.

Most people who abuse youth are not strangers.

In reality, the people most likely to abuse youth are someone the youth knows and may even trust, such as an authority figure, a family member, or another youth. 

Reports suggest that people who sexually abuse youth are most likely to be acquaintances of the child or the child’s family, followed by family members, then peers. Only 4-10% of child sexual abuse is reportedly perpetrated by strangers234

The good news is that most people will never sexually abuse a youth. The bad news is that behaviors used to groom youth for sexual abuse are the same behaviors we see in mentors and caregivers of youth, such as paying attention to them, forming a supportive relationship with them, or meeting certain needs of theirs. These similarities are what can make grooming so confusing to a youth and powerful as a tactic of abuse.

Power to say “no”

You can say “no” at any time. No matter how long an abusive relationship has gone on, and no matter if you did not initially refuse the sexual behavior, you can still say “no.” 

It can be very hard to get out of an abusive relationship once it starts. The perpetrator may have threatened you or those you love if you ever tell. You may feel guilty that you could not stop it earlier. You may even care about the perpetrator in some ways. When you are ready, you can say “no” and seek help to end the abuse. 

When you are ready, you can say “no” and seek help to end the abuse. 

For more information on how to get out of an abusive relationship, see: 

For more information on sexual abuse and how to identify it, see:

  • 1. Smith, B. & Kercher, G. (2011). Adolescent sexual behavior and the law. Crime Victims Institute: Houston, TX. Retrieved from http://www.crimevictimsinstitute.org/documents/Adolescent_Behavior_3.1.1...
  • 2. Bureau of Justice Statistics. (2000). Sexual assault of young people as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics. U.S. Department of Justice: Snyder, H.N. Retrieved from: https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf
  • 3. Finkelhor, D. & Shattuck, A. (2012). Characteristics of crimes against juveniles. Durham, NH: Crimes against Children Research Center.
  • 4. Greenfield, L. A. (1996). Child Victimizers: Violent Offenders and Their Victims. U. S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics and Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

Prevention + Safety + Empowerment + Research